I've been lurking. I've been lurking bad. I have, somewhat aimlessly and shamelessly, ended up on the Multiply sites of people (mostly those that I haven't heard of or seen until the time I clicked on their so-called head shots, which all looked significantly forgettable to me) and concluded that maybe I'm not growing up exactly the way they are growing up.
You'd probably like to know how they grow up. Or you might not. I really don't consider what the public thinks about anymore because on my not-ultimately-necessary count, there are only two people who read this blog and they know who they are so allow me to just get on with saying that when I post seriously, I'm in a state of soliloquy, wherein nobody exists but me and my wrestling thoughts. Please take note of that sentence.
But I'll try to just type my backward stream of consciousness, for my purpose's sake. I'm hoping to have an awesome time pretending I'm a lot more aware than the critics of everyday life would say I am, even if the whole post would need a serious case of clarification because of how my way of expressing becomes (in)significantly more obscure when I expand my sentences. It's my nature. These posts are the opposite of laconic, but they probably are just as rude. Right?
So. Most people who only know the "me" from the school hallways and not beyond it would assume that I don't think much about the rest of the world but, as a matter of fact, I do overthink and I overthink about things better off not thought of at all, like how some people would find the need to vehemently cling on to each other for any sort of identity.
That's how they grew up, together. And what bothers me in an incredibly large scale is that they think not as individuals, but as a large group, which only makes them cultivate their supremacy without much reluctance. I'm not referring to the people in my school (maybe slightly...) but I could totally see these cases happening before me. And if the potential vultures go overboard, it's not so hard to imagine myself stumped every day until the last day of high school, which is still far, far away.
But what the hell, that's not going to happen. It's just me and my maniacal thoughts again. I was able to warn you about this being my unrestrained stream of conscience. No, actually, I didn't go all-out as I didn't mention the names better off mentioning and I didn't acknowledge the hierarchy that's establishing itself as the people grow older and closer to the legal drinking age but God, maybe this isn't me typing. I'm half-asleep and half-knocked out but I wouldn't put my head down. I have to be expressive, right?
I try not to conform to this whatever most people thrust themselves into (I have nothing against any of them, by the way) and it's all because of my decision to play safe in life, which actually means I'm not playing at all. It's getting gradually harder to understand, I know. It's getting gradually harder to think, as well but my point is this: Why play the game they laid out for you to suck at when you can have your own, with a fully altered set of rules?
One must learn to compensate with life because compensation saves. That's easy to learn when you realize you don't fit in well with a majority of people. And since I've already typed stupid adverb-awkward phrases, I might as well give you some stupid advice you'll probably never need. You'll get farther following the path of your purpose than following suit.
Most of the time, I really don't know why I type what I type. Good night.
