(I am not sure about this post. Read it while it's still online. I've adapted a habit of deleting things I don't like.)
With 21 Proms in circulation, I've decided to amuse myself by reading Pete Hautman's Godless, a book which I've decided to stop reading a lifetime ago due to its (somewhat?) blasphemous plot.
Don't dismiss me as religious. I'm what I call religiously troubled.
I find religion, in general, abstruse and I don't understand it as much as I would like to. I never believed in heaven nor hell. The fact that both is 'eternal' makes it seem incredibly unbelievable for me. People (two of the three I've talked to regarding this issue) think I'm crazy for stating such irreverence.
I was leaning more (though not entirely) on the concept of Nirvana, wherein people will continually undergo the cycle of rebirth until they are free of mundane cravings. It's not 'one or the other'. This is, in terms of logic, more probable to me.
But I'm not a Buddhist. I don't even know anyone who's a Buddhist. That's where the massive hole in my spiritual being initiated. I overthought.
I spent the day with my dad, who was a Protestant prior to his marriage to my mother. He's a baptized Catholic now, but his mind-set (faithwise) is still largely influenced by his being a Protestant in his early years.
(I think it's rather unfair, how some people have to convert to other religions just so they can make marriage vows. Love is not supposed to sever a person from his or her beliefs. That's not love at all.)
Our eleven hours of being awake together gave me a hint of direction. He didn't say I was sordidly insane, but he did single out one thing and engulfed into explained it. There's not always sense in everything. My dad said religion wasn't a matter of knowledge, but it was a matter of faith and how we allow it to pull us closer to the god we believe in.
He and I left it at that, but I still had to process myself. I'm just hoping I make my way out of this mess with a soul.
I don't know about you but if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself that you really do believe in what you believe in, you should consider yourself special.
Or, at least, normal.
With 21 Proms in circulation, I've decided to amuse myself by reading Pete Hautman's Godless, a book which I've decided to stop reading a lifetime ago due to its (somewhat?) blasphemous plot.
Don't dismiss me as religious. I'm what I call religiously troubled.
I find religion, in general, abstruse and I don't understand it as much as I would like to. I never believed in heaven nor hell. The fact that both is 'eternal' makes it seem incredibly unbelievable for me. People (two of the three I've talked to regarding this issue) think I'm crazy for stating such irreverence.
I was leaning more (though not entirely) on the concept of Nirvana, wherein people will continually undergo the cycle of rebirth until they are free of mundane cravings. It's not 'one or the other'. This is, in terms of logic, more probable to me.
But I'm not a Buddhist. I don't even know anyone who's a Buddhist. That's where the massive hole in my spiritual being initiated. I overthought.
I spent the day with my dad, who was a Protestant prior to his marriage to my mother. He's a baptized Catholic now, but his mind-set (faithwise) is still largely influenced by his being a Protestant in his early years.
(I think it's rather unfair, how some people have to convert to other religions just so they can make marriage vows. Love is not supposed to sever a person from his or her beliefs. That's not love at all.)
Our eleven hours of being awake together gave me a hint of direction. He didn't say I was sordidly insane, but he did single out one thing and engulfed into explained it. There's not always sense in everything. My dad said religion wasn't a matter of knowledge, but it was a matter of faith and how we allow it to pull us closer to the god we believe in.
He and I left it at that, but I still had to process myself. I'm just hoping I make my way out of this mess with a soul.
I don't know about you but if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself that you really do believe in what you believe in, you should consider yourself special.
Or, at least, normal.
