The year will be over in a few hours. I could care less.
You should know, just for the record, that I'm spending those hours deeply irked. See, I'm a kid with an extremely low shock of self-esteem. The loneliness that comes with being a kid like that consumes me.
And you can't put any sort of closure to that. There's no calendar to signify the end of it.
School's a big issue for me. Mostly, I think I'm smart but they think I'm just awkward. I've got friends and I'm grateful for them, but that's not an indication that I feel less alone.
I told my mom I wanted to transfer around a week ago. But she insisted I should stay. She said I didn't know how to adjust. I don't want to disagree with her logic of me being antisocial but for what it's worth, I only felt worse.
If my mom had wanted me to break out of the sphere of being cold at all, then she could have at least sent me elsewhere because that place known as my school leaves me with no growing room. I only learned to find reasons for abhorring my life and the people around me when I'm in that place.
And that's not good.
Suffice it to say, the only thing keeping me alive is the concept of having a "future". I'd like to think I'll get out of this hellhole for good. It's not going to be soon but I know if I hold on to whatever I have, it'll come eventually.
As early as 7 o'clock, I already hear the fireworks outside but I won't be celebrating tonight. Averting the revel couldn't possibly ruin anybody's New Year.
And like I said, I could care less about mine.
You should know, just for the record, that I'm spending those hours deeply irked. See, I'm a kid with an extremely low shock of self-esteem. The loneliness that comes with being a kid like that consumes me.
And you can't put any sort of closure to that. There's no calendar to signify the end of it.
School's a big issue for me. Mostly, I think I'm smart but they think I'm just awkward. I've got friends and I'm grateful for them, but that's not an indication that I feel less alone.
I told my mom I wanted to transfer around a week ago. But she insisted I should stay. She said I didn't know how to adjust. I don't want to disagree with her logic of me being antisocial but for what it's worth, I only felt worse.
If my mom had wanted me to break out of the sphere of being cold at all, then she could have at least sent me elsewhere because that place known as my school leaves me with no growing room. I only learned to find reasons for abhorring my life and the people around me when I'm in that place.
And that's not good.
Suffice it to say, the only thing keeping me alive is the concept of having a "future". I'd like to think I'll get out of this hellhole for good. It's not going to be soon but I know if I hold on to whatever I have, it'll come eventually.
As early as 7 o'clock, I already hear the fireworks outside but I won't be celebrating tonight. Averting the revel couldn't possibly ruin anybody's New Year.
And like I said, I could care less about mine.
