I signed in to scout my messenger list for any CW-related action, but there was none and instead I said hi to someone in the form of a question mark. She told me to wait and I was reminded of a hauntingly awesome Death Cab for Cutie song, so I went far out of my way to hear it.
Sometimes we all feel stupid
We say the wrong things
You're not the only one
Sometimes we all get left behind
In a race of style
It's a dumb thing
You read it and you know it doesn't mean anything to you because you haven't heard this song or you just don't see things as I do, but it does have a significant effect on me. You won't understand. I won't explain. I don't know who or what I'm trying to get to but I want to unload whatever thoughts I have in my head but I feel paranoid most days. I think to myself, whatever I would say or type would be mistaken for something more minuscule, and unacceptable.
I'm not kind. I'm just cautious. And I'm afraid of the world. Why would I hide in here if I wasn't? I got into this philosophy-based conversation with one of my friends three hours ago and we both concluded that I'm seeing through the wrong eyes, which is why I practically live like a cripple with no confidence whatsoever.
I don't know much about you
Not that I want to
Not that I want to
I don't know what came over me or why I typed my thoughts like that. Nobody has to know what's going on past my skull. That's not even everything. Sometimes, I feel like these posts are self-fired gun shots to my gut. All I ever do is pretend my stupid thoughts are real and beat myself down with every badly phrased word I string together. It's perfect self-inflicted malady.
But I learn from myself. There's nothing else to learn from. Maybe I refuse to look. But by myself, I believe every story is worth sharing, even if nobody cared or cares or will care. That's why AM the Whatever exists. She's obnoxious and lonely and honest and idealistic and obscure and hopeful.
I admit this is my most messed-up post yet.
The song makes sense, by the way.
Sometimes we all feel stupid
We say the wrong things
You're not the only one
Sometimes we all get left behind
In a race of style
It's a dumb thing
You read it and you know it doesn't mean anything to you because you haven't heard this song or you just don't see things as I do, but it does have a significant effect on me. You won't understand. I won't explain. I don't know who or what I'm trying to get to but I want to unload whatever thoughts I have in my head but I feel paranoid most days. I think to myself, whatever I would say or type would be mistaken for something more minuscule, and unacceptable.
I'm not kind. I'm just cautious. And I'm afraid of the world. Why would I hide in here if I wasn't? I got into this philosophy-based conversation with one of my friends three hours ago and we both concluded that I'm seeing through the wrong eyes, which is why I practically live like a cripple with no confidence whatsoever.
I don't know much about you
Not that I want to
Not that I want to
I don't know what came over me or why I typed my thoughts like that. Nobody has to know what's going on past my skull. That's not even everything. Sometimes, I feel like these posts are self-fired gun shots to my gut. All I ever do is pretend my stupid thoughts are real and beat myself down with every badly phrased word I string together. It's perfect self-inflicted malady.
But I learn from myself. There's nothing else to learn from. Maybe I refuse to look. But by myself, I believe every story is worth sharing, even if nobody cared or cares or will care. That's why AM the Whatever exists. She's obnoxious and lonely and honest and idealistic and obscure and hopeful.
I admit this is my most messed-up post yet.
The song makes sense, by the way.
