It's the day after February 7 and I'm all right. I figured I don't need to demand so much from life to earn happiness because clearly, initiative doesn't always give you happiness. Sometimes you just watch happiness pounce on you.
But the change, oh God, the change.
I spent most of my February 7 in my room, making things happen within my head. Escapism, I guess. I sort of had that idea of mental activity from reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. However, it doesn't shake the fact that reality is still real and escapism is just a euphemism for wasting time.
Half the time I was reading The Hunger Games (an intensely good book) early on in the day, I was thinking about the Confirmation I declined to be part of. A small part of me continually asks if I have my spiritual life in control. I care about that, my being a Catholic. But I still cringe at the memory of hearing my Religion teacher say Nirvana wasn't real.
I'm still an unconfirmed Catholic and impurity still looms within my soul like dissolved coffee beans. No matter what the circumstances are (Confirmation or not), I'd still probably end up disreputable. But I hope to see the change brought about by the Confirmation attended my more than a hundred people I know. I may not be God's witness but I can be, like, the witness to their change, which is the least I can be, considering how I'm not even trying to be the best person out there.
That was not mockery, mind you. I really am not as good as life implies I should be, but I won't prioritize a switch in mind-set, yet. I haven't undergone the rites so I'm don't feel the pressure of walking by the fine line that is conscious goodness.
If the change spreads like a disease, maybe I'll go ahead and change but I won't take the initiative. Taking the initiative would be a waste if I'm the only one. It would be like escapism all over again. If I were to become a better person, I want the world to change with me.
[Big laugh. As if that will happen.]
I finished reading The Hunger Games last night. That was probably the last thing on my memory before engulfing into an unplanned sleep. It was intensely good, as I have mentioned. I usually shy away from this genre but I surprised myself by liking the book, more than I thought I would when I picked it up. [Thank you for introducing this book to me, by the way. I hope you know who you are if you do read this.]
Now I'm putting up with another anthology just in time for V-day. I could care less about the holiday, really. I'll save those statements for the actual holiday, when I'll be indulged in the romance of my life and insipidness. There's a lot of chemistry in that.
But the change, oh God, the change.
I spent most of my February 7 in my room, making things happen within my head. Escapism, I guess. I sort of had that idea of mental activity from reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. However, it doesn't shake the fact that reality is still real and escapism is just a euphemism for wasting time.
Half the time I was reading The Hunger Games (an intensely good book) early on in the day, I was thinking about the Confirmation I declined to be part of. A small part of me continually asks if I have my spiritual life in control. I care about that, my being a Catholic. But I still cringe at the memory of hearing my Religion teacher say Nirvana wasn't real.
I'm still an unconfirmed Catholic and impurity still looms within my soul like dissolved coffee beans. No matter what the circumstances are (Confirmation or not), I'd still probably end up disreputable. But I hope to see the change brought about by the Confirmation attended my more than a hundred people I know. I may not be God's witness but I can be, like, the witness to their change, which is the least I can be, considering how I'm not even trying to be the best person out there.
That was not mockery, mind you. I really am not as good as life implies I should be, but I won't prioritize a switch in mind-set, yet. I haven't undergone the rites so I'm don't feel the pressure of walking by the fine line that is conscious goodness.
If the change spreads like a disease, maybe I'll go ahead and change but I won't take the initiative. Taking the initiative would be a waste if I'm the only one. It would be like escapism all over again. If I were to become a better person, I want the world to change with me.
[Big laugh. As if that will happen.]
I finished reading The Hunger Games last night. That was probably the last thing on my memory before engulfing into an unplanned sleep. It was intensely good, as I have mentioned. I usually shy away from this genre but I surprised myself by liking the book, more than I thought I would when I picked it up. [Thank you for introducing this book to me, by the way. I hope you know who you are if you do read this.]
Now I'm putting up with another anthology just in time for V-day. I could care less about the holiday, really. I'll save those statements for the actual holiday, when I'll be indulged in the romance of my life and insipidness. There's a lot of chemistry in that.
