I'm skimming through my blog posts as I delete them, but they're too many to write off in one sitting. Fifteen months of ranting had to be one tough brick of memory to break but at this point in my life, with the Seniors graduating at this moment and me wishing I could say some last words to these people who've put solid awesomeness in my freshman year, there's nothing I could do but try to forget. It seems that with every attempt I do, an outside force is ready to act against me, like the third Law of Motion.
This was what Sylvia Plath meant in The Bell Jar -- being stuck in a bell jar, with so much beauty distorted by the glass, is the worst dream. I could have done more, as a person, but I'm so trapped in these glass walls that reality seems to fail. I want to forget entering this room full of glass walls and just live and look at life as it is, without the confused mess of insecurity. I want to knock my soul out of my body and hope it ends up with somebody else with a more promising life. I've been wasting mine and although there's still so much life ahead, I doubt if things will change for me.
I'm a little sad again and I get a little too much time on my hands, so it follows that I've also begun writing. The only difference between the story I'm working on, and the rest of the stories I've written, is that it actually has a chance of being finished. I've always wanted to get to that point in which I have a story (with a start, middle, and end) and be able to share it with a friend for editing and revisions. As of now, the story's still all over the place and I've only written key scenes. I'm doing well, I can say.
